Everyone loves alcohol, and everyone loves monkeys so it should be no surprise that scientist, being the geniuses that they are, decided to conduct a study in which they gave monkeys alcohol and observed their behavior. According to one scientist “It was not unusual to see some of the monkeys stumble and fall, sway, and vomit.” So apparently Monkeys, when given alcohol, turn into frat boys.

In this same vein I want to propose a new experiment in which we collect all the mammals of the world a la Noah’s Arch. We then get them drunk and then have a battle royal. The only thing that could be more fun than watching two drunks in a bar fight is watching a monkey fight a lion that’s fighting an elephant who’s fighting a sloth. Hell, might as well go round up some roman slaves and throw them in the arena too Gladiator style.